Archive for the 'Family' Category

Windshield Wipers

admin December 10th, 2008

My car is going on five years old.  And I finally broke down and bought a new pair of windshield wipers.  I was still on my first set.

I tend to put things off.  I waited until my windshield was totally obstructed during a rainstorm before I broke down and bought the new wipers.

I had a meeting Downtown today and had to drive home during rush hour.  It’s a dark and rainy night, and I was beginning to let the gloom of the weather and traffic send me over the edge.

And then it dawned on me as I peered through my car window.  I could see!

The car in front of me was clear as day.  No blurs, no streaks, no guessing.  I could see!

I didn’t realize how bad my wipers had gotten until I saw the world through new ones.

There is a lesson here for Advent.  With all of the hoopla surrounding gift buying, company parties, kids events, and classic TV shows, Advent is a time for us to clear away the blurs and streaks in our lives and start seeing the light of Christ.

Light is a major symbol during this time.  it’s the light of the Advent Wreath, the Christmas Tree, the lights in the neighborhood, the glow of the moon off of the newly fallen snow.  It’s the light given off by our children’s eyes, laughter and smiles.  It’s the light of the special cheer shown by even the most ill-tempered of folk.

Advent is like a new pair of wiper blades on a dark, stormy night.  Advent allows us to see clearly.  To see our Eternal Father, Christ, Mary, St. Joseph, and the angels so clearly that we can reach out and touch them.  To see the peace and joy in others.  To feel the peace and joy in ourselves.

And if we are not seeing clearly, then maybe it’s time for a new pair of wiper blades.   Say a prayer, ask for perspective, allow yourself to enjoy this most blessed of seasons.  Decide that you are going to allow yourself to see clearly.  Accept the grace of this gift that God gives us each December.  The gift of the birth of his son, our savior; the gift of the renewal of the hope that is our birthright as His children. 

“Who Are You?”

admin December 7th, 2008

I was at a dinner party the other night, and an older gentleman who has been married for a very long time revealed to the table a conversation he had with his wife a few years back.  (His wife was not present at the dinner when he told this story.)

During this conversation from the past, she evidently leaned across the table, looked him in the eye, and inquired of him – “who are you?”.  It was meant as a real question as to who this man had become; this man with whom she shared her life.

The table laughed, some more knowingly than others.  At the table were some who had seen their marriage come and go.  In their eyes, I saw a memory recalled of conversations long ago in which they asked or had asked of them much of the same question.

And I wonder, how many of us should ask this question or have this question asked of us by our spouses?

“Who are we?”

Do we really know the person with whom we share our lives?  Do they know us?  Do we realize that they grow and change, go through trials and tribulations of which we may be unaware, question us, pray for us, marvel at us, love us?

And sometimes, they ask the question of us, “who are you?”

And that is when we need to start worrying.  When we’ve become such an enigma to our spouses that they do not know who we are.

Advent is a time to awaken to Christ.  It is also a time to awaken to who we are, and to who others are, especially those with whom we love and share our lives.  And for our own good, it is time for others to awaken to who we are; good or bad.

And if this awakening is bad, then it is time for us to change.  I assume the older gentleman telling the story the other night changed.  He didn’t like the question from his wife (and probably didn’t like the answer either), and he loved his wife enough to make sure the question was never asked again.

So, what’s the answer if you would ask the question of your spouse tonight?  What is the answer if your spouse would ask the question of you?

“Who are you?”

“Little Churches”

admin October 27th, 2008

I often struggle with how to talk to our kids about Christ and our faith in a way that is age-appropriate.  What are they ready for and when are they ready for it?

So, I was intrigued when I read through my “The Word Among Us” issue this month.  TWAU is a good resource for the daily Mass and meditation on the readings.  Each month, they also have a series of articles.  This month’s theme has been “Exploring God’s Plan for Marriage.”  There was one particular article that really caught my eye – “A Little Church: The Great Dignity and Calling of Family Life.”

This article discusses how we can make our families like “a little church;” a term first used by St. John Chrysostom.  How does our families grow closer to Jesus?  How do we grow more holy?  How do we foster Christian formation?

The article reminds us parents that we are “the first preachers to our children.”  That “[y]oung children like to be together as a family” and that “praying together is one vital way to do this.”

To do this teaching, we cannot rely on schools, books, television, the Internet or the news.  No, our kids need ”faith sources.”  We provide these sources by bringing children to Mass; preparing them for the sacraments; and teaching them how to pray, how to get along with others, and how to know right from wrong.

The article asks two questions to determine whether we are building a Christian culture in our homes.  “Is the gospel being presented clearly?” and “How can we help each of our children take up the gospel according to his or her ability?”

And then the article gets to the crux of the “how” to teach our children.  It’s broken down quite nicely.

“You can begin at creation, telling your children that God created everything, and that he made us with a special ability to know him, to trust him, and to make the world a holy place.”

“But our first parents disobeyed God, and in so doing seperated us from God.”

“Still, God loved us so much he sent his Son Jesus to save us from our sins and to bring us back to him.  That is why Jesus died on the cross, and that’s why we worship him and thank him each Sunday.”

“Jesus wants us to live holy and good lives, full of love and kindness.  He gave us the Holy Spirit to help us, and he gave us the Eucharist to feed us spiritually.

“So today and every day, it is our family’s goal to please the Lord and to serve one another.”

“We need to have times when we speak to them about these truths.  We need times when we simply pray with them and show them the value of reconciliation.”

And, the summation of the article is that we need to show love to them and to our spouses; while meditating on Jesus and “falling in love with him.”

The article just has some overall good guidance on how to teach our kids about our faith by word and deed; and how to bring our children closer to Christ as part of our own “little churches.”

Wedding Rings

admin September 25th, 2008

I’ve just read my evening political and religious blogs; most full of pessimism and doom; some with a bright ray of hope.

And as I read, I’m looking upon my wife’s rings – her engagement and wedding bands.  She ocassionally takes them off when she’s working on the computer.  As I gaze upon these symbols of my covenants of love for her and my commitment to God to be her life partner, I can’t help but remember the man I was when I gave her those rings.

I was a man of ideals; of lofty political ambition.  I was going to be a great statesman; a transforming figure for my generation.

And now?  Well now, I am a good husband, a good father, providing for my family, contributing to my community.  I sit on local nonprofit boards, coach little league, help out where I can.  I like being home at night, teaching my kids, enjoying my wife’s interests.  At some point in time, I realized that I could either be a good public official, or a good father and husband, but not both; so I chose the latter.

But as I look at my wife’s rings, I remember a time when I served on Capitol Hill and would spend countless evenings staring at the Capitol during a long night’s work, wondering about all of the great, important things in my future that God had in store for me under that Dome, and gazing all around me at those globally important buildings dotting the National Mall (especially the one at the other end of Pennsylvania Avenue).

So now, I’m on the plus side of a decade on that period of my life.  Whereas I was on top of national events, now I’m just along for the ride.  But, I want to be involved; I want to be engaged.

These are historic times; this is an historic election.  The War on Terror, the fight for energy independence, the financial markets meltdown; they will all define our generation. 

But, I know why I’m not in D.C., serving in this most historic of times.  I’m not there because God wants me where I’m at, doing what I’m doing.  And I’m perfectly OK with that.

We all serve a role in life.  Our life experiences are all geared toward a goal divined by God. 

But, at this juncture of our nation’s life, we must pray every day that we have the folks in place who are willing and called to lead; who step forward like King David and are leaders of integrity, steadfastness and action.  We must have leaders with a servant’s heart, who lead from the front and not from the rear.  We must have leaders who place America (and us) first, and their personal, political ambitions second.

We have those leaders ready to go; the question is whether we will see through the BS and allow them to lead us forward.

Judah and Israel were stuck with bad kings.  We do not, and cannot, be stuck with bad political leaders who look down upon us and don’t understand us.  We must ensure that our political leaders are truly one of us.  Because if they are one of us, they’ll get us; and if they get us, they’ll govern as a true servant and not as a know-it-all trying to tell us how to live.

This isn’t a time for “it’s not our fault” or “call me, if you need me” or “we had a bipartisan agreement except the other party really hasn’t signed off on the deal.”

This is a time for real leaders.  God always gives us the leaders we need, when we need them.  Let us pray that we listen and follow them.

The “Shining City on the Hill” or Judah/Israel?  This is our choice; right here, right now.

Bristol Palin & This Father’s Fear

admin September 3rd, 2008

As a father, I am very afraid for my children as I watch the Bristol Palin story unfold.

The way this story is being covered is sickening; and should send a shiver down the spine of every father in this nation.

There is a large segment of our society that will use, exploit and destroy children just to achieve their political ends.  This segment has declared open season on a 17-year old and are seeking to tear her down on a global scale because her mother has had the audacity to step forward to run for national office and because they are in violent disagreement with her mother’s political views.

No other child of a political candidate or elected official has been subjected to this vile – no matter their behavior.  Yet, each and every day, we seem to be sinking lower into the slime as the Bristol Palin saga goes on.

Our children need our protection.  They do not need to see their teenage miscues played out in three (yes, THREE) stories on the front page of the New York Times (in one day).  They do not need to see their name besmirched on TVs throughout the world.  And the only reason Bristol Palin is being subjected to this trial is because too many people want to use her for crass, partisan political gain.

No matter our political views, we have to stand up and put an end to this destruction.  As fathers, we must stand up and stare down those that would use our children in such an inhumane way.

Bristol Palin could be our daughter.  Let’s consider whether we would want our daughter treated in such a way.

An Unanswered Question

admin September 1st, 2008

I was born a bastard son; illegitimate; unplanned; with birth defects to boot.  In some people’s view, I was a child who was better off going straight from my mother’s womb to my heavenly reward because I was a “punishment” or an “inconvenience” to my mother.

So as an illegitimate child, I’ve been thinking a lot today about Bristol Palin, the 17-year old, pregnant daughter of Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

I’ve been thinking about her because I am always worried about my children making bad choices.  My wife and I talk to them unceasingly about the necessity of making the right choice, every time. 

And tonight, I talked to them about a 17-year old who is sitting in bed tonight with her precious, beautiful child growing inside of her; a 17-year old who knows that the whole world knows that she is a pregnant teen; a 17-year old who is being googled and written about and talked about in forums large and small.  And not only is she faced with this reality, but she is faced with the knowledge that she and her mother are being maliciously cast throughout the global blogosphere in a scene straight out of last season’s Desperate Housewives. 

I hurt for her as a father would his daughter.  I hurt for her as the illegitimate son of a wonderful woman who found herself in the same, if less public, predicament.

And I am thankful.  I am thankful every day that my mother chose my life.  I am thankful that Bristol, with the support of her fiance and family, has chosen her child’s life.

The title to this blog is “An Unanswered Question.”  So, what question of mine is unanswered?  It is this: I was a mistake, but I’m here.  Despite the immorality and promiscuity that led to my creation, God has intended for my life to happen; to play out; to lead to results good and bad; to create new, incredible life; to impact others with a great love; and to be the face of Christ and help build his kingdom.  As St. Paul preached, I was predestined from the beginning of time.

So, should Bristol and her fiance have been having sex?  My answer is “no.”  They weren’t, aren’t ready; emotionally, spiritually.  Should my birth parents had been having sex?  No.  But my parents did; and I am here; and I believe God intended for my life to happen, at this moment, at this time.  And Bristol and her fiance did have sex; and they have a child about to enter this world in four months; and this child will be God’s child, Mary’s child; a child whose life God intended to happen.

So, I am confused and conflicted with a question that I know only God can answer when he is ready to answer it.  Why am I here; why am I (hopefully) sanctifying my life for the glory and purpose of God, considering that the behavior that led to my creation should have never occurred?

James’ Baby Girl

admin July 28th, 2008

Through Catholic Dads, I’ve been following the heartbreaking twists and turns of Catherine Hahn.  She is James Hahn’s (blog: Real Life Rosary) baby girl and her GI system just can’t seem to get on track.  She’s been in the hospital for an eternity (since birth) and has become one of those cases in which doctors will learn much.

In following this story, I’ve had to keep reminding myself that Catherine is not only James’ daughter, she is God’s; and He must have an incredible plan for this little girl of his.  I don’t know what this plan might be, but I do know that I want her strength, perserverance and heroism watching my back.

Catherine’s story is a great story of love, devotion, hope and faith.  Here’s the link to the latest update.  Make sure you check it out, and then check back again and again, and through it all – pray, pray, pray.  God has not only sent Catherine into the Hahn Family’s life, He has sent her into our lives’ as well.

And let us also remember that she is the Virgin Mother’s little girl.  Let us fathers everywhere offer Catherine’s and our own children’s protection to the patronage of our Queen in Heaven.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession was left unaided.  Inspired with this confidence, I fly unto you, O virgin of virgins, my Mother.  To you do I come, before you do I stand, sinful and sorrowful.  O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer me.  Amen.

Saving a Child

admin July 26th, 2008

I usually leave the political talk to other blogs, but I heard about this story and it struck a chord in me. 

As many of you know, I was placed for adoption when I was born.  I had serious birth defects that I still live with to this day, including a cleft lip.  I went through several foster homes and orphanages before finally being blessed with a family.  I subsequently went through the many surgeries I needed to repair my face.  And because of the heroism of my Mom & Dad, I received the love, care and guidance I needed to succeed in all facets of my life.  My Mom & Dad saved my life.

So, when I finished reading the story about Senator John McCain’s daughter, Bridget, and how he and his wife not only saved this child but also saved another child, I couldn’t help but recognize two absolutely remarkable souls.  I recognized these souls because they exemplify a soul seen time and again, even if our culture doesn’t celebrate these heroes.  I recognized this soul because I have been the beneficiary of this soul since I was adopted. 

Again, I’ll leave the political blogging to others, but this story is one that needs to be told again and again.  It is just a damning indictment on our society that this story hasn’t been broadcasted from coast to coast in front-page new-stories, made-for-TV movies, and bestselling books.   This story has the potential to lift each of us up and require of us heroic action of our own; no matter our political leanings, no matter our background, no matter our current life-situation.

Regardless of your political leanings, you cannot dismiss the heroism of this story, and what it tells us about this man who wants to lead us.

h/t: The Anchoress and many others.

Proud of My Wife

admin July 23rd, 2008

I tend to see my wife through the eyes of her husband, the mother of his children, the daughter of my in-laws.  Last night, I had the pleasure and the privilege to see her through the eyes of others.

I serve on the Board of a nonprofit agency that holds an annual fundraising event.  This year, we’ve had difficulty in trying to get someone to step forward to take the chair of the event.  Knowing that my wife has planned several nonprofit events, I casually asked her if she would take this one on.  Fully expecting her to decline, I was pleasantly surprised when she  accepted.

That was a couple of weeks ago.  Since then, I’ve listened to her suggestions, her plans, and her already mounting frustrations that are inherent in taking on such tasks.

Last night, she had her first meeting for the board committee charged with putting on the event.  I half-expected my wife to be eaten alive.  I made the mistake of believing that my wife wasn’t up to the task of dealing with the strong personalities on this committee.  After all, I’m the one who serves on boards and chairs committees.  I’m the professional.  And from a professional point of view, I see my wife as simply a stay-at-home mom who can’t possibly deal effectively with business people like those on this particular committee.

So, we walked into the meeting.  I made sure to sit near the end of the table, far away from her, as if I was just another committee member.  In my own mind, I was there to support her and read the group, without it appearing that I was holding her hand. 

As my wife sat at the head of the table, I realized my perceptions were way off base as she immediately took charge of the meeting.  She performed beautifully and managed the meeting perfectly.  She worked through dissent and facilitated compromise.  She answered questions and deftly proposed ideas.  She kept the meeting on task.  She established and maintained her credibility.  She got people excited and engaged.

I was impressed and proud of her.  She not only exceeded my expectations as a husband, she exploded past my expectations as a board member.

My wife is her own person.  Sometimes I forget that.  She has her own dreams, her own talents, her own passions.  As a stay-at-home mom, she doesn’t always get to explore them.  That is the sacrifice she makes for our kids and for me in my career.  I know she is brilliant; it’s one of the reasons why I’m so attracted to her and intrigued by her.  What I forgot is that she can hold her own and floor anyone with her brilliance. 

She reminded me that God has his plan for this daughter of his.  She is growing and developing her talents so she can better serve Christ.  He has instilled so much in this woman.  I’m just lucky that he has willed me to be her partner through life and to be the father of her children.

I am one lucky and blessed man.

I just hope that she feels the same way after the event!

Men & Abortion

admin July 15th, 2008

What always intrigues me about the abortion debate is how men are relegated to the sidelines. 

We are told that a father has no rights unless he is married to the mother and that those rights only kick in after his child is born.  It is entirely up to the mother as to whether she even wants to tell the father about their baby.

But what are the consequences to the father of this point of view?  For the past thirty-something years, we’ve been led to believe that men don’t care and that, even if they did, it’s just none of their business.

But now, the question of abortion’s impact on men is starting to be addressed.

The cover story in this month’s Columbia magazine published by the Knights of Columbus discusses the issue of men and abortion.  The link is to an interview with Dr. Vincent Rue, Ph.D., who is the Director of the Institute for Pregnancy Loss. 

It’s enlightening stuff.

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