Archive for the 'Gratitude' Category

Endurance & Birth Defects

theophilus January 30th, 2009

January is National Birth Defects Prevention Month.

I rarely write about my own birth defects but I’m thinking I better write something about them before this month is out, especially considering that my birth defects and my faith seem to be totally intertwined with each other.

I was born with a cleft lip and cranio-facial birth defects, i.e. the different sides of my skull didn’t exactly form in perfect proportion to each other.  As a result, one side of my face is good to go, the other side has needed a great deal of work.

I have had more surgeries than I can remember; each one exhibiting the marvels of reconstructive medical science.  My conditions are so rare that I was always a must see for interns and residents on their rounds; and I even had photos taken of me for medical textbooks.  To this day, I have a standing appointment for major work with a dentist every decade or so.

My childhood was spent in doctor offices, dentist chairs, hospital beds, operating rooms, and with speech and hearing pathologists.

My sinuses are always a problem.  I need subtitles when I’m watching a movie on TV; and I finally broke down and started bringing a missal to Mass so I could fully “hear” the readings.  My eyesight is such that I can’t bring my eyes together in one single point of sight and my eyes have drastically different levels of vision.  I have little depth perception, so I’m always knocking into things, dropping perfectly thrown passes from my nephew, and losing my golf drives when they fly more than 150 yards off the tee.  I have a speech defect, but am in a field requiring superior communication skills.  I often need people to repeat themselves and they likewise often need me to repeat myself.

I was picked on, ridiculed and bullied as a kid; and rejected by more girls than I care to remember as a teen and college student.  Things got a little better in young adulthood.  To this day, I have people that look at me with THAT look, the one folks reserve for others that look differently than what they have come to expect.

Yet, somewhere along the line, God made me realize that I am the way he chose to make me.  I am made perfect in his image.

I have learned so much about life and about God because of my birth defects.  I have learned so much about others, both good and bad.  I have learned how God expects us to live and treat each other.  I have learned how to be truly grateful.

I am thankful to the doctors and dentists who put my face back together.  I am thankful for the nurses who comforted me when I was a scared little boy in a lonely hospital room in the middle of the night.

I am thankful for my parents, my family, my friends and the girls I’ve dated along the way who all saw through my deformities to the real me.

I am so in love with my wife that it surpasses my understanding.  She fell for and has stayed in love with an incredibly imperfect man, yet she fights for me, she fights for us.  She truly loves me, heart, soul &, yes, body.  She is such a beautiful woman, both inside and out, yet my birth defects have never been an obstacle to her loving me so.

I am so blessed that my parents see me as their son, not a deformed child; my wife sees me as her love, not a deformed man; and my children see me simply as their Daddy, not someone that looks different than others they know.

Actually, it’s been through my children that God has chosen to show me just how much he has blessed me.

My little girl looks like her mother; my son is the mirror image of me.  I have a special affection for my daughter because she is the first blood I have ever known (I am adopted).  But even more profound, I tend to wonder how much of my birth mother is in her.  She looks like my wife; but how much does she also look like my mother?

And then there is my son.  He is perfect in every way.  In him, I see what I could have been, physically.  I look at him and see what I would have looked like without the birth defects.

But, I would haven’t it any other way.  Let me repeat, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

For, I am the way God chose to make me.  I am made perfect in his image.

Every time I look in the mirror, I am humbled.  Every time I look upon someone who looks a little differently than others, I empathize.  Every time I see someone going through a hard time or in distress, I am spiritually connected to them.

And every time that I am going through hard times or get discouraged or don’t know where to turn, God reminds me that he is still there for me, that he is guiding me, that he has always guided me throughout all times of my life, both dark and bright.

He reminds me that he has tested me and found me worthy.

Today’s first reading is from Hebrews 10 and the writer hits the nail on the head, “You need endurance to do the will of God and receive what he has promised.”

My birth defects and being an orphan taught me endurance, both spiritually and physically.  God has a purpose behind everything he does.  He has a purpose for making me the way I am.  There are times when I don’t know why.  There are times when I fall into self-pity.  There are times when people treat me differently because of the way I look.  There are times when I look in the mirror and want to cry.

But, in these times, God ALWAYS brings me back to Him.  He reminds me of his will and his promise to me.

And when I doubt his special plan for me, he sends my wife to kiss me, my kids to jump on my back, and my parents to call me just to see how I am doing and to tell me that they love me.

And he also reminds me that I am a success professionally.  I am an inspiration to others.  I rise above my limitations and do what he expects of me.  I am bearing the fruit he wants from me.  And I must place my total trust in him.

It’s God’s way of telling me that I am the way God chose to make me.  I am made perfect in his image.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

St. Martin of Tours & Veterans Day

theophilus November 11th, 2008

In all of the attempts to get God out of our public lives, it amazes me how God always manages to slip one by us.

It occured to me this morning that today is both the Feast of St. Martin of Tours, 4th century soldier turned bishop, and the anniversary of the cessation of hostilities in World War I.  It’s the latter that has led to the long-standing holidays of Veterans Day in the U.S., Armistice Day in Europe, and Remembrance Day throughout the British Commonwealth.

I find great irony that we honor today both veterans throughout the world and St. Martin, the patron saint of soldiers.  Somehow God found a way to get us to link the two. 

Our own soldiers are in need of our prayers.  They are proud, dedicated, selfless, patriotic and duty-bound.  They are quite simply the best we have to offer here in America. 

In the past week, I’ve spoken with the fiancee of someone who just got back from Iraq and the father of one still over there.  For various reasons, they are wondering whether we back home really care about what they are doing over there. 

They are busting their butts to protect us, often reupping for additional tours of duty, but we seem preoccupied with other things.  They are acheiving victory despite our best efforts to get in their way, yet we refuse to acknowledge the good work they are doing in bringing peace and security, and liberty and freedom, to the people of Iraq and Afghanistan.

If you know someone currently serving, say a prayer today to St. Martin that they be kept safe and succeed in their mission.  Also pray for their families.  If you know someone who has served this nation (ever), say a prayer for them in thanksgiving for their sacrifice. 

We literally owe them our freedom, our liberty, our fortunes (no matter how small), and our lives.  Let us never forget them and what they have done for us.

Tropical Storm Ike Hits the Queen City

theophilus September 18th, 2008

I don’t know what’s going on but, over the past week, I’ve noticed that I’ve been getting a great number of reads on my July post concerning the Brown Scapular.  Interesting.  I wonder if Mary is doing some calling.

I’m finally back on track after the Great Queen City Blackout of 2008.  Sunday afternoon, Tropical Storm Ike roared through Cincinnati.  Tropical storms are not supposed to hit the Ohio Valley.  Except for a week or so in August, we can never be confused with the tropics. 

In any case, between noon and six o’clock, unprecedented winds blew through and 90% of the region lost power.  Only 50% were back online as of yesterday morning.  The rest should be back on today and tomorrow, unless there is a structural problem with the lines.  We were lucky and had our power back on early Tuesday morning.  For a while, gas stations, stores, restaurants, traffic lights, all were left without power.

And, believe it or not, I feel blessed by the experience.  I lost about 50 shingles, the top of a lamp post, my patio table, and the contents of my refrigerator/freezer - but that is all.  While others were faced with the loss of ancient trees, sections of roofs, and siding, I was only inconvenienced by not having access to all of the things that electrical power miraculously provides to us but that we nevertheless take for granted (most notably, my morning coffee). 

In return, I received some non-TV, non-video game time with my wife and kids.  (We actually played cards and other games).  I got some sleep.  I got to appreciate the quiet.  I took note that God blessed us with a full moon and clear skies this week. 

I was extremely appreciative when I was able to find a working gas station on Monday when I had an empty tank (I was in an honest-to-goodness gas line); when we were able to find an open Meier’s to get dry foods and batteries; and when we were able to find an open U.S. Bank so we could get some cash (both of us were tapped out).  Before we found the bank, we found one of the few McDonald’s open for lunch and I was appreciative when my credit card worked.  We waited in line a half-hour for McDonald’s, which is my least favorite place to eat but it was one of the better burgers I’ve had. 

I laughed on Sunday night when I saw a little Chinese restaurant open with the line out the door.  I laughed at myself when I realize that we tried to get a T-ball game started on Sunday afternoon with the field looking like a dust bowl and the poor kids on my team struggling to stand up against the wind (we quickly gave up).

I was appreciative that our water still worked and that it was hot.  I was appreciative when I looked at the front page of USA Today, saw the devastation in Texas, and realized they faced winds and rain twice the strength of what hit us, and that they would be without power for a month and would have to rebuild, not just repair. 

I was appreciative that I got to teach my kids about the pleasures and privileges they enjoy and how lucky we are.  I was appreciative of the lantern type light that my mother-in-law had just given my son as a toy, which made for a perfect light for our bedroom.  I was appreciative when I found a car power cord for my Blackberry.  I was thankful that the power went out in the middle of another Bengal loss and that I didn’t have internet access during Monday’s financial markets meltdown.

I took note that this experience came during the feasts of the Triumph of the Cross and Our Lady of Sorrows.  I took special note of the meditations I read concerning our attachment to wordly things.

I am appreciative that despite 90% of the community being dark, no one took advantage of others through criminal activity.  I am appreciative that roofers and contractors, who have been hard hit by the housing bust, have some work to do (although there is a great deal of ancedotal evidence of price gouging on projects).

God sends us reminders sometimes when he wants to get our attention.  Somehow, I believe this blackout was such a reminder.  In the dark of Sunday and Monday night, I was reminded that there is only one thing that matters – our faith in God.  Everything else can be taken away, but as long as we truly and wholly believe in our Eternal Father, everything is right with our little corner of the world.

An Unanswered Question

theophilus September 1st, 2008

I was born a bastard son; illegitimate; unplanned; with birth defects to boot.  In some people’s view, I was a child who was better off going straight from my mother’s womb to my heavenly reward because I was a “punishment” or an “inconvenience” to my mother.

So as an illegitimate child, I’ve been thinking a lot today about Bristol Palin, the 17-year old, pregnant daughter of Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

I’ve been thinking about her because I am always worried about my children making bad choices.  My wife and I talk to them unceasingly about the necessity of making the right choice, every time. 

And tonight, I talked to them about a 17-year old who is sitting in bed tonight with her precious, beautiful child growing inside of her; a 17-year old who knows that the whole world knows that she is a pregnant teen; a 17-year old who is being googled and written about and talked about in forums large and small.  And not only is she faced with this reality, but she is faced with the knowledge that she and her mother are being maliciously cast throughout the global blogosphere in a scene straight out of last season’s Desperate Housewives. 

I hurt for her as a father would his daughter.  I hurt for her as the illegitimate son of a wonderful woman who found herself in the same, if less public, predicament.

And I am thankful.  I am thankful every day that my mother chose my life.  I am thankful that Bristol, with the support of her fiance and family, has chosen her child’s life.

The title to this blog is “An Unanswered Question.”  So, what question of mine is unanswered?  It is this: I was a mistake, but I’m here.  Despite the immorality and promiscuity that led to my creation, God has intended for my life to happen; to play out; to lead to results good and bad; to create new, incredible life; to impact others with a great love; and to be the face of Christ and help build his kingdom.  As St. Paul preached, I was predestined from the beginning of time.

So, should Bristol and her fiance have been having sex?  My answer is “no.”  They weren’t, aren’t ready; emotionally, spiritually.  Should my birth parents had been having sex?  No.  But my parents did; and I am here; and I believe God intended for my life to happen, at this moment, at this time.  And Bristol and her fiance did have sex; and they have a child about to enter this world in four months; and this child will be God’s child, Mary’s child; a child whose life God intended to happen.

So, I am confused and conflicted with a question that I know only God can answer when he is ready to answer it.  Why am I here; why am I (hopefully) sanctifying my life for the glory and purpose of God, considering that the behavior that led to my creation should have never occurred?

Giving Thanks

theophilus June 12th, 2008

Prayer can too often take the form of complaining and whining.  I know that I spend a good deal of time telling God about all of the things I think are wrong in my life or things I think need to be changed.  While I know he wants to hear about my fears, anxieties, needs, and wants, I know he also wants me to tell him about all of the good things in my life; the things he has given me to bless me and make my journey worthwhile.

I guess I was thinking about my gratitude, or lack thereof, this morning when I came across this passage from Isaiah 12 -

“Give thanks to the Lord, acclaim his name; among the nations make known his deeds, proclaim how exalted is his name.  Sing praise to the Lord for his glorious achievement; let this be known throughout all the earth.  Shout with exultation, O city of Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel!”

And as I read this passage, I recalled that just in the past twenty-four hours, a great deal of good has happened to me; all small things, but all good. 

I was re-elected as an officer for my local Knights of Columbus council last night; I came home and heard my son reading a book for the first time; my daughter is asking for workbooks so she can continue learning in the summer; I didn’t take advantage of the free Reds ticket I had for last night’s game (a 10-0 loss to the Cardinals); the weather the past two days has been picture perfect; I had a great run this morning; a potentially troublesome project wrapped up at work without incident; the list could go on.

Again, all small things, but all good.  And I’ve said a prayer of thanks to God for these small blessings.  In fact, I think I’ll declare today to be a no-whine day.

I’m just going to make today a day to ”sing praise to the Lord for his glorious achievement.” 

Memorial Day

theophilus May 26th, 2008

There are men and women who have walked among us, and sacrficed everything they have and everything they are to keep us and others throughout the world free.  They have gone to liberate, save and comfort – to make the world a better place.  And they have paid with their lives for what we too often take for granted.

In the Catholic Church, we have our martyrs – those who gave their temporal lives in order to grow Christ’s kingdom here on earth.  The same can be said of our men and women who we commemorate today – they gave their temporal lives in order to further the causes of liberty and freedom throughout the world.  So that all may live as God intends for them to live.

Every day, but especially today, we should fly our flags – salute our men and women in uniform – remember our dead – believe in what they fought for – ensure they did not die in vain – thank God that he made men and women with the guts to put it all on the line for us.  Every day, but especially today, let us believe in true American heroes once again.

______________________________________________

Memorial of St. Philip Neri, priest (Italy, 1515-1595) – known for his charisma and sense of humor; called the “Apostle of Rome”; founded the Congregation of the Oratory, a group of secular priests working to inspire the faithful; great teacher and confessor; canonized by Pope Gregory XV in 1622.

Receiving in His Name

theophilus May 20th, 2008

Having lived through a relatively disadvantaged childhood (i.e. orphaned, lived in foster homes and orphanages, adopted as older child, several major surgeries to repair birth defects), I remember being struck by today’s gospel reading (Mark 9:30-37) the first time I heard it twenty-five years ago.

After predicting his Passion for the second time, Christ tells his disciples -

“If anyone wishes to be first, he shall be the last of all and the servant of all.”

Then, he follows up by -

“Taking a child, he placed it in their midst, and putting his arms around it, he said to them, ‘Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but the One who sent me.’”

Despite (or due to) my childhood, I have been blessed knowing that there are people who follow Christ’s instruction.  I feel that I  personally know some who “received” Christ and thereby received our Father in heaven because they stepped up and made a difference in my life – they got me to where I am today.  Mark 9:36-37 is the story of the early part of my life and the reason that I escaped childhood with a realistic shot at success.

So, how about the first passage?  It speaks directly to me because I realized long ago that I would have to live a life of service to honor and pay back those who stepped up for me.  I couple this passage with Mark 10:45, the one that tells us ”to serve and not to be served.”  They both tell me that it is up to me to receive Christ by making a difference in other people’s lives, whether young or old. 

I sometimes succeed and often fail to carry out this personal mission, but I know I am called to serve and Christ gives me ample opportunity to do so.  It’s up to me to listen to him and recognize when he is calling me to do something.

Let us just look for opportunities today to serve – to receive Christ and the one who sent him.  Someone’s future may depend upon on what we do for them today.

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Optional Memorial – St. Bernardine of Siena, priest (Italy, 1380-1444) – Franciscan preacher and missionary; known for spreading devotion to the Holy Name of Jesus; canonized in 1450 by Pope Nicholas V. 

Two Encounters

theophilus May 10th, 2008

Throughout our week, we all have encounters with someone who is completely outside our comfort zone but nevertheless one of our brothers and sisters.  They are one of “us” even if we have always considered them one of “them.”

This week, I’ve had two such encounters and they defined my week.

Last week, I had volunteered in my son’s preschool class.  In his class is a boy, let’s call him Joey (after St. Joseph).  He has special needs and is often hard to manage.  In my time in class, I could see that he was a handful.  From what I understand he can be tempermental and aggressive.  His teachers do a great job in caring for him and teaching him.  I noticed how excited his teachers were at the progress he made that day.

I tried my best to interact with him and had a great time with him and the rest of the class.  But, as I left the class, I thought that the only child I had impacted that day was my son – and that was my goal all along.

That is until this week.  I try to drop my son off at school at least once a week.  I did it for his sister (before she graduated to the daily bus) and I do the same for him.  I know it means a great deal to them and to me.  A couple of days ago, I dropped my son off at the same time that Joey was getting dropped off.  I said “hi” to him, and the next thing I knew he was coming up to me; and he just started, well, hugging me.  He was laughing and just plain happy.  And he just kept hugging . . . and hugging . . . and hugging . . . and . . .. 

His teachers were a little taken aback and looked at me with a sheepish grin and, I have to say, an amazed look on their face.  Finally, they convinced him to let go and go in the classroom.  Then my son came up and hugged me.  And both hugs just made my week.  My son always hugs me - and they are always incredible for me.  But Joey’s hug was in an odd way, faith affirming.  Somehow, I reached him the week before.  Somehow, God used me to reach him – and in turn we reached his teachers.  I just know that Joey is this incredible kid trapped inside a body and mind that won’t cooperate with him.  It’s up to us to reach him and respect him as one of the children whom Christ asked to come to him. 

My other encounter was later in the week.  I was part of a tour of a neighborhood in Cincinnati that is known for its history and its crime and its continual state of renewal.  As we were walking past boarded up historic/crack houses, we came to a corner where a young man was being arrested.  We walked by on the opposite end of the street but as we passed I looked at him and caught his eye.  He was young and he looked lost.  What he wasn’t was scared – I think our inner city youths have seen too much to be scared.  In any case, here he was – it may have been his first time, it may have been his twentieth time, it may be his last time.  But here he was – and here I was, walking past him, at a comfortable distance away - and we were looking each other in the eye.  He off to the jail to continue a hopeless life, me back to the suburbs to my wife and children.  Two sons of God, two brothers of Christ, two fellow travelers, yet two traveling on such different paths.

My prayers this weekend are for Joey and my brother on the street.  We are all souls being pulled to the same place.  It’s just a matter of how easy it is for us to get there – and how easy we make it on ourselves. 

And as I read the news, my prayers are also for our brethern in Myanmar in the desperate hope that their leaders get a clue and let a very generous world in to help them.

I guess it’s been a rather humbling week as I’ve realized how blessed God has made my life.

__________________________________________ 

Today is the Optional Memorial of Blessed Damien of Molokai (Belgium/Hawaii, 1840-1889) – “Father Damien” dedicated his life to caring for the lepers of Hawaii on the Island of Molokai; priest of the Congregration of the Sacred Hearts; served the leper colony non-stop until his own death from leprosy; statue is in the U.S. Capitol’s Statuary Hall; beautified in 1995 by Pope John Paul II; expected to be canonized later this year.

Our Kids’ Teachers

theophilus April 7th, 2008

St. John the Baptist de la Salle & Our Kids’ Teachers 

During the school year, the average dad spends maybe 3 hours a weekday with their kids.  The teachers of their kids spend at least 7 hours with them.  Who has the greater influence on them? 

So, with this in mind, let’s ask ourselves – how well do we know our kids’ teachers?  How much do we appreciate them?

I grew up in a family of teachers, so I have a special affinity for the souls who have chosen this noble profession.  And my dad used to teach in high school – a high school run by the Christian Brothers.  So, I took note when I read that today is the feast day of St. John the Baptist de la Salle, the founder of the Christian Brothers.

He lived in the late 17th & early 18th centuries in France.  He founded a school for boys and developed a system of education.  To put this method into practice, he founded the Christian Brothers who spread it throughout the Western world.  There are men everywhere who can swap stories tale for tale with the men educated by the Jesuits and Marianists on what it was like being educated by the Christian Brothers.

Having a Clue 

So, it got me thinking – how much do I know about my kids’ teachers – if you are a father, how much do you know about your kids’ teachers?  They have a such a profound influence on their lives. 

Do we take them for granted?  Do we get on their case?  Do we help them by taking charge of our kids’ education at home?  Do we take an interest in what they are learning – whether they are learning – how they are behaving – whether they are putting in the effort? 

Do we show our kids that their education is important to us?  Do we help them with their homework?  Do we learn with them?  Do we go to parent conferences – volunteer at least once a year in their schools – occasionally drop them off or pick them up?  

We must treat our kids’ teachers as one of the most important parts of our children’s lives.  We must help them help our children by ensuring our children’s education are one of our priorities as fathers.

But, I’m sure I’m not saying anything new or anything that every father hasn’t heard before.  But, growing up in a family of teachers, I have heard enough stories to know that there are too many dads who just don’t get it. 

I guess I just want to make sure I’m not one of those dads who do not have a clue.  And then, I guess I’m also looking forward to learning all of that stuff that I never seem to get in the first place.

St. John the Baptist de la Salle is the patron saint of teachers – today is a good day to ask him to pray for our kids’ teachers and our kids’ education.

Intimate Union with Christ

theophilus March 21st, 2008

This day is one to spend in intimate union with the Lord.  Good Friday – the day to truly be there with Christ in body, mind and spirit as he sacrifices himself to save us and bring us to the fullness of redemption.

Let us all be in church at some point today.  Let us gaze upon Christ on the Cross.  Attending a service.  Kissing the cross.  Truly contemplating the words, “[t]his is the wood of the cross, on which hung the Savior of the world.” 

Let us really listen to the Passion - placing ourselves in the scene.  Placing ourselves in the sandals of the apostles who for the most part spent this day watching from afar.  Placing ourselves with the grieving women, Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus – all of whom stepped up in Jesus’ last hours and the immediate aftermath of his death.

Let us pray the Way of the Cross, walking the path that Jesus walked that faithful day – for us.  Let us pray the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary and join ourselves to the sorrow of our Blessed Mother.  Being with her as she suffers through the death of her son.

Let us fast as an act of love to Christ.  Focusing on pray, not the emptiness of our stomachs.  Eating only what is necessary to give us the minimum amount of  strength and energy for the day – while staying within the guidelines of our Church.  Fasting from all activity except prayer, work, service, and watching at least some part of the first round of March Madness.

Let us truly pray today with all of the faithful throughout the world for the Church, the Pope, the clergy and laity of the Church, those preparing for baptism, the unity of Christians, the Jewish people, those who do not believe in Christ, those who do not believe in God, all in public office, and those in special need.

At the final blessing today, we hear -

“Lord, send down your abundant blessing upon your people who have devoutly recalled the death of your Son in the sure hope of the resurrection.  Grant them pardon; bring them comfort.  May their faith grow stronger and their eternal salvation be assured.  We ask this through Christ our Lord.  Amen.”

May we live today in the fullness of Christ and be worthy of the promise of this blessing.  May we be worthy of the mercy, forgivenss, and salvation offered by Christ.  May we show our gratitude to the one who has given us all things.

Let us have a truly holy Good Friday.

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