Archive for the 'Marriage' Category

Endurance & Birth Defects

theophilus January 30th, 2009

January is National Birth Defects Prevention Month.

I rarely write about my own birth defects but I’m thinking I better write something about them before this month is out, especially considering that my birth defects and my faith seem to be totally intertwined with each other.

I was born with a cleft lip and cranio-facial birth defects, i.e. the different sides of my skull didn’t exactly form in perfect proportion to each other.  As a result, one side of my face is good to go, the other side has needed a great deal of work.

I have had more surgeries than I can remember; each one exhibiting the marvels of reconstructive medical science.  My conditions are so rare that I was always a must see for interns and residents on their rounds; and I even had photos taken of me for medical textbooks.  To this day, I have a standing appointment for major work with a dentist every decade or so.

My childhood was spent in doctor offices, dentist chairs, hospital beds, operating rooms, and with speech and hearing pathologists.

My sinuses are always a problem.  I need subtitles when I’m watching a movie on TV; and I finally broke down and started bringing a missal to Mass so I could fully “hear” the readings.  My eyesight is such that I can’t bring my eyes together in one single point of sight and my eyes have drastically different levels of vision.  I have little depth perception, so I’m always knocking into things, dropping perfectly thrown passes from my nephew, and losing my golf drives when they fly more than 150 yards off the tee.  I have a speech defect, but am in a field requiring superior communication skills.  I often need people to repeat themselves and they likewise often need me to repeat myself.

I was picked on, ridiculed and bullied as a kid; and rejected by more girls than I care to remember as a teen and college student.  Things got a little better in young adulthood.  To this day, I have people that look at me with THAT look, the one folks reserve for others that look differently than what they have come to expect.

Yet, somewhere along the line, God made me realize that I am the way he chose to make me.  I am made perfect in his image.

I have learned so much about life and about God because of my birth defects.  I have learned so much about others, both good and bad.  I have learned how God expects us to live and treat each other.  I have learned how to be truly grateful.

I am thankful to the doctors and dentists who put my face back together.  I am thankful for the nurses who comforted me when I was a scared little boy in a lonely hospital room in the middle of the night.

I am thankful for my parents, my family, my friends and the girls I’ve dated along the way who all saw through my deformities to the real me.

I am so in love with my wife that it surpasses my understanding.  She fell for and has stayed in love with an incredibly imperfect man, yet she fights for me, she fights for us.  She truly loves me, heart, soul &, yes, body.  She is such a beautiful woman, both inside and out, yet my birth defects have never been an obstacle to her loving me so.

I am so blessed that my parents see me as their son, not a deformed child; my wife sees me as her love, not a deformed man; and my children see me simply as their Daddy, not someone that looks different than others they know.

Actually, it’s been through my children that God has chosen to show me just how much he has blessed me.

My little girl looks like her mother; my son is the mirror image of me.  I have a special affection for my daughter because she is the first blood I have ever known (I am adopted).  But even more profound, I tend to wonder how much of my birth mother is in her.  She looks like my wife; but how much does she also look like my mother?

And then there is my son.  He is perfect in every way.  In him, I see what I could have been, physically.  I look at him and see what I would have looked like without the birth defects.

But, I would haven’t it any other way.  Let me repeat, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

For, I am the way God chose to make me.  I am made perfect in his image.

Every time I look in the mirror, I am humbled.  Every time I look upon someone who looks a little differently than others, I empathize.  Every time I see someone going through a hard time or in distress, I am spiritually connected to them.

And every time that I am going through hard times or get discouraged or don’t know where to turn, God reminds me that he is still there for me, that he is guiding me, that he has always guided me throughout all times of my life, both dark and bright.

He reminds me that he has tested me and found me worthy.

Today’s first reading is from Hebrews 10 and the writer hits the nail on the head, “You need endurance to do the will of God and receive what he has promised.”

My birth defects and being an orphan taught me endurance, both spiritually and physically.  God has a purpose behind everything he does.  He has a purpose for making me the way I am.  There are times when I don’t know why.  There are times when I fall into self-pity.  There are times when people treat me differently because of the way I look.  There are times when I look in the mirror and want to cry.

But, in these times, God ALWAYS brings me back to Him.  He reminds me of his will and his promise to me.

And when I doubt his special plan for me, he sends my wife to kiss me, my kids to jump on my back, and my parents to call me just to see how I am doing and to tell me that they love me.

And he also reminds me that I am a success professionally.  I am an inspiration to others.  I rise above my limitations and do what he expects of me.  I am bearing the fruit he wants from me.  And I must place my total trust in him.

It’s God’s way of telling me that I am the way God chose to make me.  I am made perfect in his image.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Who Are You?”

theophilus December 7th, 2008

I was at a dinner party the other night, and an older gentleman who has been married for a very long time revealed to the table a conversation he had with his wife a few years back.  (His wife was not present at the dinner when he told this story.)

During this conversation from the past, she evidently leaned across the table, looked him in the eye, and inquired of him – “who are you?”.  It was meant as a real question as to who this man had become; this man with whom she shared her life.

The table laughed, some more knowingly than others.  At the table were some who had seen their marriage come and go.  In their eyes, I saw a memory recalled of conversations long ago in which they asked or had asked of them much of the same question.

And I wonder, how many of us should ask this question or have this question asked of us by our spouses?

“Who are we?”

Do we really know the person with whom we share our lives?  Do they know us?  Do we realize that they grow and change, go through trials and tribulations of which we may be unaware, question us, pray for us, marvel at us, love us?

And sometimes, they ask the question of us, “who are you?”

And that is when we need to start worrying.  When we’ve become such an enigma to our spouses that they do not know who we are.

Advent is a time to awaken to Christ.  It is also a time to awaken to who we are, and to who others are, especially those with whom we love and share our lives.  And for our own good, it is time for others to awaken to who we are; good or bad.

And if this awakening is bad, then it is time for us to change.  I assume the older gentleman telling the story the other night changed.  He didn’t like the question from his wife (and probably didn’t like the answer either), and he loved his wife enough to make sure the question was never asked again.

So, what’s the answer if you would ask the question of your spouse tonight?  What is the answer if your spouse would ask the question of you?

“Who are you?”

“Little Churches”

theophilus October 27th, 2008

I often struggle with how to talk to our kids about Christ and our faith in a way that is age-appropriate.  What are they ready for and when are they ready for it?

So, I was intrigued when I read through my “The Word Among Us” issue this month.  TWAU is a good resource for the daily Mass and meditation on the readings.  Each month, they also have a series of articles.  This month’s theme has been “Exploring God’s Plan for Marriage.”  There was one particular article that really caught my eye – “A Little Church: The Great Dignity and Calling of Family Life.”

This article discusses how we can make our families like “a little church;” a term first used by St. John Chrysostom.  How does our families grow closer to Jesus?  How do we grow more holy?  How do we foster Christian formation?

The article reminds us parents that we are “the first preachers to our children.”  That “[y]oung children like to be together as a family” and that “praying together is one vital way to do this.”

To do this teaching, we cannot rely on schools, books, television, the Internet or the news.  No, our kids need ”faith sources.”  We provide these sources by bringing children to Mass; preparing them for the sacraments; and teaching them how to pray, how to get along with others, and how to know right from wrong.

The article asks two questions to determine whether we are building a Christian culture in our homes.  “Is the gospel being presented clearly?” and “How can we help each of our children take up the gospel according to his or her ability?”

And then the article gets to the crux of the “how” to teach our children.  It’s broken down quite nicely.

“You can begin at creation, telling your children that God created everything, and that he made us with a special ability to know him, to trust him, and to make the world a holy place.”

“But our first parents disobeyed God, and in so doing seperated us from God.”

“Still, God loved us so much he sent his Son Jesus to save us from our sins and to bring us back to him.  That is why Jesus died on the cross, and that’s why we worship him and thank him each Sunday.”

“Jesus wants us to live holy and good lives, full of love and kindness.  He gave us the Holy Spirit to help us, and he gave us the Eucharist to feed us spiritually.

“So today and every day, it is our family’s goal to please the Lord and to serve one another.”

“We need to have times when we speak to them about these truths.  We need times when we simply pray with them and show them the value of reconciliation.”

And, the summation of the article is that we need to show love to them and to our spouses; while meditating on Jesus and “falling in love with him.”

The article just has some overall good guidance on how to teach our kids about our faith by word and deed; and how to bring our children closer to Christ as part of our own “little churches.”

Wedding Rings

theophilus September 25th, 2008

I’ve just read my evening political and religious blogs; most full of pessimism and doom; some with a bright ray of hope.

And as I read, I’m looking upon my wife’s rings – her engagement and wedding bands.  She ocassionally takes them off when she’s working on the computer.  As I gaze upon these symbols of my covenants of love for her and my commitment to God to be her life partner, I can’t help but remember the man I was when I gave her those rings.

I was a man of ideals; of lofty political ambition.  I was going to be a great statesman; a transforming figure for my generation.

And now?  Well now, I am a good husband, a good father, providing for my family, contributing to my community.  I sit on local nonprofit boards, coach little league, help out where I can.  I like being home at night, teaching my kids, enjoying my wife’s interests.  At some point in time, I realized that I could either be a good public official, or a good father and husband, but not both; so I chose the latter.

But as I look at my wife’s rings, I remember a time when I served on Capitol Hill and would spend countless evenings staring at the Capitol during a long night’s work, wondering about all of the great, important things in my future that God had in store for me under that Dome, and gazing all around me at those globally important buildings dotting the National Mall (especially the one at the other end of Pennsylvania Avenue).

So now, I’m on the plus side of a decade on that period of my life.  Whereas I was on top of national events, now I’m just along for the ride.  But, I want to be involved; I want to be engaged.

These are historic times; this is an historic election.  The War on Terror, the fight for energy independence, the financial markets meltdown; they will all define our generation. 

But, I know why I’m not in D.C., serving in this most historic of times.  I’m not there because God wants me where I’m at, doing what I’m doing.  And I’m perfectly OK with that.

We all serve a role in life.  Our life experiences are all geared toward a goal divined by God. 

But, at this juncture of our nation’s life, we must pray every day that we have the folks in place who are willing and called to lead; who step forward like King David and are leaders of integrity, steadfastness and action.  We must have leaders with a servant’s heart, who lead from the front and not from the rear.  We must have leaders who place America (and us) first, and their personal, political ambitions second.

We have those leaders ready to go; the question is whether we will see through the BS and allow them to lead us forward.

Judah and Israel were stuck with bad kings.  We do not, and cannot, be stuck with bad political leaders who look down upon us and don’t understand us.  We must ensure that our political leaders are truly one of us.  Because if they are one of us, they’ll get us; and if they get us, they’ll govern as a true servant and not as a know-it-all trying to tell us how to live.

This isn’t a time for “it’s not our fault” or “call me, if you need me” or “we had a bipartisan agreement except the other party really hasn’t signed off on the deal.”

This is a time for real leaders.  God always gives us the leaders we need, when we need them.  Let us pray that we listen and follow them.

The “Shining City on the Hill” or Judah/Israel?  This is our choice; right here, right now.

St. Paul & Marriage

theophilus September 10th, 2008

Sometimes I get a little worried when I read St. Paul.  In today’s first reading (1 Corinthians 7), he is talking about marriage.

So this is what I think best because of the present distress:
that it is a good thing for a person to remain as he is.
Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek a separation.
Are you free of a wife? Then do not look for a wife.
If you marry, however, you do not sin,
nor does an unmarried woman sin if she marries;
but such people will experience affliction in their earthly life,
and I would like to spare you that.

“Such people,” (i.e. married folk) “will experience affliction in their earthly life, and I would like to spare you that.”

I only have one question – which Tarsus beauty broke St. Paul’s heart??

Do us married folk “experience affliction” in our lives?  Heck, yes.  Marriage is hard.  But do single folk experience affliction in their lives?  Heck, yes.  Singledom is hard.

Relationships are hard work.  

Heck, my wife is mad at me right now because I am in the middle of a thought for this post that I don’t want to lose and she wants to tell me about something she just read.  (I’ll make it up to her as soon as I hit “Publish.”)

But, marriage is so worth it.  It’s the part about sharing your life with another; loving another with your whole being; creating and nurturing life; building a foundation for future generations; fostering love and security; emulating Mary & Joseph; doing God’s will in the most intimate of ways; building Christ’s kingdom here on earth.

My wife completes me.  She is God’s divine gift to me.  She is a blessing beyond measure.    With all due respect to St. Paul, she is most certainly not an “affliction.”  Heck, in her beautiful, angelic eyes (and the eyes she has passed onto our children), I get to see Christ’s and Mary’s face each and every day.

Why would St. Paul want to “spare” me of that?

St. Monica & St. Augustine

theophilus August 27th, 2008

Today and tomorrow, we remember the lives of St. Monica and her son, St. Augustine.

There are two amazing things about their story.  The first is that St. Monica spent her whole married and maternal life praying for the conversion of her pagan husband and her delinquent, wayward son.  She kept the faith and hope needed for such a life purpose and she showed them both the love required of a daughter of God.  She understood the power of prayer and persistence; and she succeeded.

It makes me wonder if Mary does the same thing for us.  We go off on our own without thinking of God or his son.  We try to live life our way.  And our heavenly Mother is there to pray for us, watch over us, have faith in us and hope for us, and ultimately to just love us; all in the knowledge that we CAN find our way back to Christ, especially when we are faced with the reality that we need him and have to have him at the center of our hearts and lives.

Which leads me to the other amazing thing about the story of these two saints.  St. Augustine was like us.  He was a frat boy on the loose (think John Belushi with the mind of a philosopher).  He was enjoying life to the fullest in every temporal way.  But, he finally realized that he was missing something central to his soul.  He was missing Christ.  And when he found him, he found his path and purpose in life and took off into a life so well lived that we remember him 1,700 years later.  And not only do we remember him but his writings are required reading for Christians and non-Christians alike.

It’s never too late.  I pray to St. Augustine all the time.  As I do, St. Ignatius of Loyola and St. Francis of Assisi.  All three discovered their calling later in life.  They were all so far off the path that they couldn’t have found it with a GPS system.  Yet, Christ led them back.  Mary took their arms.  The Holy Spirit guided them along the way.  They ended up sanctifying their lives and dedicating themselves to the purpose designed for them by our Eternal Father.

They saved their lives; and we can do the same.  What is keeping us from living the holy, sanctified, joyful, Christ-centered, selfless, saintly lives expected of each of us?  We must ask Christ to help us recognize these obstacles and for the strength and persistence to get rid of them.  We must ask for his mercy and forgiveness so we can move beyond our past.

It’s never too late.  It’s just a matter of whether we want to cast these obstacles aside, like St. Augustine, St. Ignatius and St. Francis.  It’s just a matter of whether we want to become the saints we all can be.

Proud of My Wife

theophilus July 23rd, 2008

I tend to see my wife through the eyes of her husband, the mother of his children, the daughter of my in-laws.  Last night, I had the pleasure and the privilege to see her through the eyes of others.

I serve on the Board of a nonprofit agency that holds an annual fundraising event.  This year, we’ve had difficulty in trying to get someone to step forward to take the chair of the event.  Knowing that my wife has planned several nonprofit events, I casually asked her if she would take this one on.  Fully expecting her to decline, I was pleasantly surprised when she  accepted.

That was a couple of weeks ago.  Since then, I’ve listened to her suggestions, her plans, and her already mounting frustrations that are inherent in taking on such tasks.

Last night, she had her first meeting for the board committee charged with putting on the event.  I half-expected my wife to be eaten alive.  I made the mistake of believing that my wife wasn’t up to the task of dealing with the strong personalities on this committee.  After all, I’m the one who serves on boards and chairs committees.  I’m the professional.  And from a professional point of view, I see my wife as simply a stay-at-home mom who can’t possibly deal effectively with business people like those on this particular committee.

So, we walked into the meeting.  I made sure to sit near the end of the table, far away from her, as if I was just another committee member.  In my own mind, I was there to support her and read the group, without it appearing that I was holding her hand. 

As my wife sat at the head of the table, I realized my perceptions were way off base as she immediately took charge of the meeting.  She performed beautifully and managed the meeting perfectly.  She worked through dissent and facilitated compromise.  She answered questions and deftly proposed ideas.  She kept the meeting on task.  She established and maintained her credibility.  She got people excited and engaged.

I was impressed and proud of her.  She not only exceeded my expectations as a husband, she exploded past my expectations as a board member.

My wife is her own person.  Sometimes I forget that.  She has her own dreams, her own talents, her own passions.  As a stay-at-home mom, she doesn’t always get to explore them.  That is the sacrifice she makes for our kids and for me in my career.  I know she is brilliant; it’s one of the reasons why I’m so attracted to her and intrigued by her.  What I forgot is that she can hold her own and floor anyone with her brilliance. 

She reminded me that God has his plan for this daughter of his.  She is growing and developing her talents so she can better serve Christ.  He has instilled so much in this woman.  I’m just lucky that he has willed me to be her partner through life and to be the father of her children.

I am one lucky and blessed man.

I just hope that she feels the same way after the event!

Sunday Morning Marriage Counseling

theophilus July 6th, 2008

Ah, so this explains my wife’s and my marital bliss -

“Churchgoing married couples happier, study says – Catholic News Agency

“Charlottesville, VA, Jul 5, 2008 / 08:03 pm (CNA).- A new analysis of three major national surveys claims that married couples who attend church together tend to be happier than couples who rarely or never attend services and are also less likely to divorce.

“University of Virginia sociologist W. Bradford Wilcox, using data from the General Social Survey (GSS), the National Survey of Families and Households (NSFH), and the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG), found that married churchgoing Americans, regardless of race or religious denomination, were more likely to describe themselves as “very happy” – more so than non-churchgoing married couples, Cybercast News Service reports.

“Professor Wilcox also found that couples who regularly attend church together are less likely to divorce.

“‘Attending church only seems to help couples when they attend together,’ Wilcox told Cybercast News Service. ‘But when they do, they are significantly happier in their marriages, and they are much less likely to divorce, compared to couples who do not attend church. I would say that church attendance is a beneficial component of marriage when it is done together.’

“Wilcox said that churches supply moral norms like sexual fidelity and forgiveness while also offering family-friendly social networks to support couples through high and low points of their marriages.

“Churches, he said, provide ‘a faith that helps couples make sense of the difficulties in their lives–from unemployment to illness–that can harm their marriages.’

“‘So, in a word, the couple that prays together stays together,’ said Wilcox.

Critics of Wilcox’s study say other factors may be at work.

“‘Some studies have reported a correlation between church attendance and successful marriages,’ Tom Flynn, editor of the secular humanist magazine Free Inquiry said to Cybercast News Service. ‘That may reflect the fact that males who are settled in their lives and are highly socialized are both more likely to succeed in their marriages and more likely to attend church.’

‘Flynn said other studies suggesting a link between church membership and better health or a longer life could also mask other factors.

“’Once again, it may mean that folks who have their lives together tend to avoid substance abuse, practice good health habits, and go to church,’ he said.

‘A 2001 Barna Research Poll showed that individuals who describe themselves as ‘born again’ were just as, if not more, likely to divorce than other Christians and non-Christians.

“‘A few studies have shown that seculars who do marry have a better track record at staying married than members of Southern Baptists and other conservative denominations,’ Flynn said. ‘Those seculars who bother to marry may be marrying more successful than very traditional, male-authoritarian Christians.’

“Wilcox responded by claiming that men and women with an active church life ‘do look different in the marital realm.’

“’At least in the marriage arena, faith alone doesn’t work,’ Wilcox said. ‘You’ve got to combine faith and works to enjoy a happy and stable marriage. You need the consistent message, the accountability, and the support a church community can provide to really benefit from religious faith.’

I love how Mr. Flynn tries to twist the studies around.  According to him, going to church doesn’t produce good married folks; it’s good married folks who go to church anyway.

These secularists just don’t get it.  I have a relatively happy marriage, because despite all of our ups and downs, my wife and I truly believe and are reminded each and every Sunday morning that our union is predestined by God and his gift to us.  Our covenant sworn on our wedding day is part of his covenant with us, his people.  His call to us has its foundation in those children of his whom he has entrusted to us as their parents.

My wife and I will love each other and remain committed to each other, not just because we truly love each other and are totally committed to each other, but also because we know deep down in our souls, we are part of God’s plan for each other and our children.

And when we forget this simple proposition, we are reminded each and every Sunday when we ask for mercy and forgiveness, look around us at all of the families like our’s, and exchange the sign of peace with each other. 

And then we walk up the aisle and partake of the consecrated host.  It is truly then when we are joined with Christ and remember why we are joined with each other.

To Serve – Not to Be Served

theophilus May 28th, 2008

Today’s gospel has one of the most meaningful passages for me in it.

In Mark 10, Jesus is instructing the apostles after James and John started asking him about sitting at his left and right when he came into his kingdom.  While rather bold and brazen of the two of them, Jesus uses the moment to teach the apostles about service.

“[W]hoever wishes to be great among you will be your servant; whoever wishes to be first among you will be the slave of all.  For the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.” 

So what is this service we are supposed to give?  Sometimes it’s difficult to know.  Who are we supposed to serve?  When are we supposed to serve?  Where are we supposed to serve?  How are we supposed to serve?  All good questions for those who care about serving others and serving Christ.

I ran across a passage from St. Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians that might help -

“No man should seek his own interest but rather that of his neighbor.  The fact is that whether you eat or drink – whatever you do – you should do all for the glory of God.”

And maybe that passage sums it up – we should always place our neighbor’s interest in front of our own, whether that “neighbor” is our wife, kids, fellow parishoners, those throughout the community, those in a different part of the world.  We should always place others before ourselves.  And then we will be serving Christ and doing things “all for the glory of God.”

Be a servant today, starting with those whom you love and with whom you work.  Christ will take it from there.

St. Rita of Cascia & Baseball – My New Favorite Saint

theophilus May 22nd, 2008

I think I might have a new favorite saint.  St. Rita of Cascia is new to the U.S. liturgical calendar even though she lived in the 15th Century and was canonized in 1900.  Why the Church waited so long to canonize her and then get her on our calendar is beyond me because I fell in love with her story as soon as I read it.

She wanted to become a nun but her parents wanted her to marry.  She obeyed her parents and was rewarded by being married to a jerk.  With him, she had two boys – both of whom tried her patience.  After 18 years of marriage, her husband had started to come around when he was killed by a political rival.  She grew justifiably concerned that her sons were going to try and exact revenge.  She tried to persuade them to forgive and forget but ultimately had to give them over to God, as she prayed that God would stop their plans.  Both sons died of natural causes within a year of their father’s murder.  Talk about God needing to go to extreme measures.

St. Rita decided to enter a convent but the nuns wouldn’t accept her because of the political turmoil involving her family.  Realizing this obstacle, she reconciled the warring families, which in turn led to her being admitted to the convent.  There is a story that the nuns really couldn’t refuse her when they found her one morning inside the locked convent with no visible signs of entry.  It was said that she was transported into the convent walls by St. John the Baptist, St. Augustine and St. Nicholas of Tolentino, her patron saints.  It makes me think that I really need to figure out who my patron saints are and start praying to them.

One night while she was praying, she received a thorn above her forehead from Christ’s crown of thorns.  The wound would remain for the rest of her life and would end up smelling so badly that she was separated from the other nuns.  St. Rita was a model nun.  She died in 1457, her body incorrupt, her wound smelling of roses.

There is much to admire about St. Rita as she led just a great and holy life.  Oh, and for some reason, she is the unofficial patron saint of baseball.  As she is also a patron saint of lost and impossible causes, I now consider her to be the patron saint of my beloved Cincinnati Reds.

As I read about her rather unusual wound, I wonder what she thought about the thorn in her forehead.  It had to hurt, it certainly smelled.  The other nuns probably looked at her kinda sideways.  So, did she consider it a blessing or a curse?

I ask the question because I have facial birth defects – it’s clear that something is screwed up with my face.  I’ve often wondered whether my face is a blessing or a curse.  I often asked myself what would I do if Christ would appear to me and tell me that he would heal me – that all I would need to do is ask.  Would I want to be healed?

I have trouble answering this question because my face and my birth defects have become an ingrained part of my personailty, an integral part of who I am.  My face has taught me humility, patience, and forgivness.  You haven’t lived until you’ve had to respond to a little boy telling you that you have a “funny looking” face and you realize the only appropriate response is a laugh and a “yes, I do.”

Did St. Rita want to be cured of the thorn?  Afterall, it was a special sign from God - a different twist on the stigmata.  Did it become a part of who she was, so to heal her would be to take away something integral to her?

I’m glad to have gotten to learn about this incredible saint.  She was a wonderful woman who has a great deal to teach us today.  And as the Reds are opening a four-game series with the Padres tonight in San Diego, I think it only appropriate for me to say a little novena on their behalf – that is assuming she isn’t already a Padres fan.

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