Archive for the 'Relationships' Category

Fantasy Football & Building Christ’s Kingdom

theophilus August 26th, 2009

I have my fantasy football draft coming up.  I’ve got my depth charts, ranking lists, latest news ready to go.  I’ve figured out my keepers and the rookie running backs I want to target.  I’ve renewed my vow to stay away from any Bengals, Raiders & Chiefs.

And I’ve realized that I really can’t put as much focus and attention into my fantasy football league as I used to do in the past.  It’s fun and I enjoy the league.  It’s a way to stay connected with some of my close friends.  But, I tend to spend so much time on it so I can win, yet I’ve never had a winning season to show for it.  And maybe that’s by God’s design.

I’m constantly amazed how much time I waste during the course of a day.  Fantasy football ranks right up there in things that tend to take my time and attention away from the things God wants me to be doing.  Not that fantasy football isn’t a good diversion for me, it is.  But it needs to be put in its proper place in my life.

I make a morning offering every morning to Christ.  I offer him “all my prayers, works, joys and sufferings of this day.”  I also say a traditional prayer that I found in a prayer book – “Direct, we beseech you oh Lord, our actions by your inspirations and further them by your assistance, so that every word and work of ours may begin from you and by you be likewise ended.”

The morning offering refers to “all” and the prayer refers to “every.”  Not “some,” but “all” and “every.”  In other words, everything that we do should be for Christ.  We are allowed to have fun and enjoy hobbies and pursuits, but even these must be for Christ.  If we spend too much time on our hobbies, pursuits, and diversions at the expense of work that makes an impact on our families, jobs and communities, then we are not doing everything for Christ.

I turned another year older this month.  My kids are starting another year of school.  Sooner rather than later, another year is going to be in the books.  And when I’m rocking away at the retirement home, it’s really not going to matter who I picked as my 3rd running back or my 4th wide receiver in this year’s league.

I’m keeping my fantasy football in perspective this year.  I’m going to have some fun, but I’m going to focus on what God wants me to be doing.   I’m going to keep in mind that while my backup kicker may be a really great guy, I really don’t think he’s going to help me build Christ’s kingdom.

And that goes for all of our hobbies, pursuits and diversions.  Take a look at how you spend your day and figure out whether every moment is spent the way God intended for you, especially in this day and age of technology when a quick five minutes checking sports scores turns into an hour or so of surfing.  Or a quick game on our kids’ game systems turns into an hour trying to get to the next level.

Christ needs all of what we have to offer.  We need to offer him all we do, including all that we do for fun.

Who is the Patron Saint of Runners?

theophilus May 3rd, 2009

I ran a half-marathon this morning.  Had a very strong run; a run I hadn’t expected to have because my training over the past few months has been sporadic and inconsistent as I’ve battled a wet and cold Midwestern winter and spring.

But on one of my final training runs this week, I realized that I was dwelling on all of the miles I hadn’t run, instead of the miles I had run.  And that is when I realized that I couldn’t do a darn thing about the miles missed; it was too late to make them up four days away from a race.  What I could do was focus on the miles I did put in and use them as the springboard for a good race.

And I couldn’t help but think; that is what Christ wants us to do in life.  He wants us to forget about the mistakes made and the opportunities missed; and focus instead on the things we do right and the future ahead.  We can either let the faults of the past weigh us down and keep us from doing his will; or we can ask for and accept his forgiveness and mercy and use him as the impetus for being the disciples we are supposed to be.  It’s why Christ gave us the Sacrament of Reconciliation; to accept and atone for what we did wrong and then to move on.

I also thoughts of two things in my race today.  The first is that the course passed three Catholic churches.  I said a little prayer and made the sign of the Cross as I passed each of them; thinking of Christ inside on this blessed Sunday morning.  I then noticed that I started running a lot faster; as if the Holy Spirit was giving me a little push.  The other thing I noticed is that I couldn’t think of a patron saint for runners; so I think I am going to start a movement to have St. Peter and St. John named as such because of their foot race to Christ’s tomb on Easter morning.

St. Peter and St. John pray for us; and may my muscles be able to move in the morning.

St. Pius V and Other Heroes for Our Times

theophilus April 30th, 2009

St. Pius V, whose feast day is today, was the lucky pope who had the job of implementing the major reforms of the Council of Trent.

In the 16th Century, Europe was in turmoil; the Church was disintegrating; large segments of laity and clergy were in open rebellion against the Holy See.

By 1545, the Reformation was in full swing; St. Thomas More’s head was off; and the Church was taking its good ole’ time in responding to threats to its very existence.

Finally, Pope Paul III got the long awaited Council of Trent started. Two other popes (Julius III and Pius IV) would preside over the Council before its conclusion in 1563.

The results were as, if not more, transformational than Vatican II. It made major reforms that carved away the abuses in the Church while strengthening the divinely inspired tradition and dogma that were under fierce attack at the time.

To execute the reforms, the Church turned to Pope St. Pius V. He fearlessly implemented these reforms and laid the groundwork for the next four hundred years of the Church.

At a perilous time for the Church and his society, he stepped up and got the job done.

In reading about St. Pius V, I also noticed other names coming up; names well-known to us, who also stepped up during this incredible era in history.  Saints with the names of Ignatius of Loyola, Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Francis de Sales, Vincent de Paul, Charles Borromeo, Robert Bellarmine, Philip Neri, Peter Alcantara, Francis Xavier. Great saints; great writers; great preachers; great reformers. A collection of larger than life heroes called by God to do great work at this one particular moment.

And I wonder. Did these individuals make their era or did their era make them? If they were collectively born in another quieter and less significant era, would they have been so great? Were they called to greatness because they were needed or could others have done the trick?  Did God place these individuals in the 16th Century precisely because they would be needed?

I believe we live in times that require great people, true heroes who are larger than life. My question is whether God has provided us with this greatness? And have they, will they, step up and answer the call?

I have no doubt that Pope John Paul II did play and Pope Benedict XVI is playing the part of Pius V in our times. But, who are the other saints in our midst?

Is one of these saints, you?

Endurance & Birth Defects

theophilus January 30th, 2009

January is National Birth Defects Prevention Month.

I rarely write about my own birth defects but I’m thinking I better write something about them before this month is out, especially considering that my birth defects and my faith seem to be totally intertwined with each other.

I was born with a cleft lip and cranio-facial birth defects, i.e. the different sides of my skull didn’t exactly form in perfect proportion to each other.  As a result, one side of my face is good to go, the other side has needed a great deal of work.

I have had more surgeries than I can remember; each one exhibiting the marvels of reconstructive medical science.  My conditions are so rare that I was always a must see for interns and residents on their rounds; and I even had photos taken of me for medical textbooks.  To this day, I have a standing appointment for major work with a dentist every decade or so.

My childhood was spent in doctor offices, dentist chairs, hospital beds, operating rooms, and with speech and hearing pathologists.

My sinuses are always a problem.  I need subtitles when I’m watching a movie on TV; and I finally broke down and started bringing a missal to Mass so I could fully “hear” the readings.  My eyesight is such that I can’t bring my eyes together in one single point of sight and my eyes have drastically different levels of vision.  I have little depth perception, so I’m always knocking into things, dropping perfectly thrown passes from my nephew, and losing my golf drives when they fly more than 150 yards off the tee.  I have a speech defect, but am in a field requiring superior communication skills.  I often need people to repeat themselves and they likewise often need me to repeat myself.

I was picked on, ridiculed and bullied as a kid; and rejected by more girls than I care to remember as a teen and college student.  Things got a little better in young adulthood.  To this day, I have people that look at me with THAT look, the one folks reserve for others that look differently than what they have come to expect.

Yet, somewhere along the line, God made me realize that I am the way he chose to make me.  I am made perfect in his image.

I have learned so much about life and about God because of my birth defects.  I have learned so much about others, both good and bad.  I have learned how God expects us to live and treat each other.  I have learned how to be truly grateful.

I am thankful to the doctors and dentists who put my face back together.  I am thankful for the nurses who comforted me when I was a scared little boy in a lonely hospital room in the middle of the night.

I am thankful for my parents, my family, my friends and the girls I’ve dated along the way who all saw through my deformities to the real me.

I am so in love with my wife that it surpasses my understanding.  She fell for and has stayed in love with an incredibly imperfect man, yet she fights for me, she fights for us.  She truly loves me, heart, soul &, yes, body.  She is such a beautiful woman, both inside and out, yet my birth defects have never been an obstacle to her loving me so.

I am so blessed that my parents see me as their son, not a deformed child; my wife sees me as her love, not a deformed man; and my children see me simply as their Daddy, not someone that looks different than others they know.

Actually, it’s been through my children that God has chosen to show me just how much he has blessed me.

My little girl looks like her mother; my son is the mirror image of me.  I have a special affection for my daughter because she is the first blood I have ever known (I am adopted).  But even more profound, I tend to wonder how much of my birth mother is in her.  She looks like my wife; but how much does she also look like my mother?

And then there is my son.  He is perfect in every way.  In him, I see what I could have been, physically.  I look at him and see what I would have looked like without the birth defects.

But, I would haven’t it any other way.  Let me repeat, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

For, I am the way God chose to make me.  I am made perfect in his image.

Every time I look in the mirror, I am humbled.  Every time I look upon someone who looks a little differently than others, I empathize.  Every time I see someone going through a hard time or in distress, I am spiritually connected to them.

And every time that I am going through hard times or get discouraged or don’t know where to turn, God reminds me that he is still there for me, that he is guiding me, that he has always guided me throughout all times of my life, both dark and bright.

He reminds me that he has tested me and found me worthy.

Today’s first reading is from Hebrews 10 and the writer hits the nail on the head, “You need endurance to do the will of God and receive what he has promised.”

My birth defects and being an orphan taught me endurance, both spiritually and physically.  God has a purpose behind everything he does.  He has a purpose for making me the way I am.  There are times when I don’t know why.  There are times when I fall into self-pity.  There are times when people treat me differently because of the way I look.  There are times when I look in the mirror and want to cry.

But, in these times, God ALWAYS brings me back to Him.  He reminds me of his will and his promise to me.

And when I doubt his special plan for me, he sends my wife to kiss me, my kids to jump on my back, and my parents to call me just to see how I am doing and to tell me that they love me.

And he also reminds me that I am a success professionally.  I am an inspiration to others.  I rise above my limitations and do what he expects of me.  I am bearing the fruit he wants from me.  And I must place my total trust in him.

It’s God’s way of telling me that I am the way God chose to make me.  I am made perfect in his image.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Let’s Talk About Sin

theophilus January 14th, 2009

Are you a slave?

Today’s first reading is from Hebrews 2 in which the writer teaches that Jesus came to “free those who through fear of death had been subject to slavery all their life.”

The “slavery” being discussed is the slavery to sin.

I bet most of us tend to think we are living relatively unsinful lives.  We’re all basically good people, trying our best.  We are all sinners, but hey, we tend to think to ourselves, how much sin is too much sin?

I think one of the major ways that the Church and our culture has failed us is in not talking enough about sin and destructive behavior.  No one wants anyone to feel uncomfortable, so we tiptoe through life trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings.  And we speed through life without examining our own life.

In doing so, we do two things that separate us from God.  First, we fail to realize that there are real consequences to our actions, both human and divine; and, second, that our time here is primarily meant to prepare us for eternal life.

I remember a time when I thought I was doing ok with God as long as I didn’t cross one of the ten big ones.  I sometimes felt guilty when I slept in on Sunday, or uttered a G*# D#%*!  I sometimes told a small lie, and looked longingly at that sports car in the parking lot.  And when I was a bachelor, I always somehow forgot to call my mom on a regular basis.  But, hey, nothing was so major in this list that led me to believe that I was endangering my eternity.

But then, God started opening my eyes.  First, he re-introduced me to the Seven Capital Sins – Pride, Covetousness, Lust, Anger, Gluttony, Envy, and Sloth.  And I realized that at one time or another, I was violating one of the seven.  Nothing major (or so I hope), but enough to be destructive to practically all of my relationships and how I lived my life.

I then realized that I was holding onto these sins for one reason or another and allowing these sins to hold me back from my Father and separate me from Jesus.  They are sins of selfishness and I was succumbing to them.   What caused me confusion was that I was doing so in ways that our culture deems acceptable.

God then took me one step further.  He reminded me of the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy and that these works are really not considered optional- feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, clothing the naked, sheltering the homeless, visiting the sick, visiting the imprisoned, burying the dead, counseling the doubtful, instructing the ignorant, admonishing sinners, comforting the afflicted, forgiving offenses, bearing wrongs patiently and praying for the living and the dead.

It is then when my spiritual life took off.  I stopped relying on others to do what I did not want to do.  I started rolling up my sleeves and doing some heavy-lifting.  And I started making a conscious decision to take the help that God was offering me to rid my days of the destructive thoughts and actions that were holding me back.  I started caring more about what God wanted than what the culture said was acceptable.

There are still days when I do not want to be bothered.  There are still days when I fall back into my destructive behavior (especially when it comes to my temper, pride and appetite).  But I’m not as far away from God as I was when he started opening my eyes.

I am becoming less a slave to sin and more a fruitful servant of God.  And I realize that I had been experiencing “success” without peace, and life without joy.  Now, I find my days becoming more peaceful and joyful, even if I still have a long way to go.

We are all called to be saints; we are called to take our rightful place as Children of God.  But we cannot achieve either if we are a slave to sin.  It’s time to truly acknowledge our faults, stop holding onto our destructive thoughts and behavior, be willing to accept Christ’s mercy and forgiveness, and be reconciled through Confession.  We will then be ready to cast off our shackles and start living our lives the way God has planned out for us.

You will see the difference in your relationships; in your work, in how you view the world, in how you deal with uncertainty and set-backs, in how you view yourself.  Most importantly, you will see the difference in your relationship with our Father and with our Saviour.

“Who Are You?”

theophilus December 7th, 2008

I was at a dinner party the other night, and an older gentleman who has been married for a very long time revealed to the table a conversation he had with his wife a few years back.  (His wife was not present at the dinner when he told this story.)

During this conversation from the past, she evidently leaned across the table, looked him in the eye, and inquired of him – “who are you?”.  It was meant as a real question as to who this man had become; this man with whom she shared her life.

The table laughed, some more knowingly than others.  At the table were some who had seen their marriage come and go.  In their eyes, I saw a memory recalled of conversations long ago in which they asked or had asked of them much of the same question.

And I wonder, how many of us should ask this question or have this question asked of us by our spouses?

“Who are we?”

Do we really know the person with whom we share our lives?  Do they know us?  Do we realize that they grow and change, go through trials and tribulations of which we may be unaware, question us, pray for us, marvel at us, love us?

And sometimes, they ask the question of us, “who are you?”

And that is when we need to start worrying.  When we’ve become such an enigma to our spouses that they do not know who we are.

Advent is a time to awaken to Christ.  It is also a time to awaken to who we are, and to who others are, especially those with whom we love and share our lives.  And for our own good, it is time for others to awaken to who we are; good or bad.

And if this awakening is bad, then it is time for us to change.  I assume the older gentleman telling the story the other night changed.  He didn’t like the question from his wife (and probably didn’t like the answer either), and he loved his wife enough to make sure the question was never asked again.

So, what’s the answer if you would ask the question of your spouse tonight?  What is the answer if your spouse would ask the question of you?

“Who are you?”

Sweet Honey & A Sour Stomach

theophilus November 21st, 2008

The Book of Revelations always freaks me out.  I quite frankly can’t figure out how St. John didn’t go all loco after envisioning and writing about it.

But he did envision it and he did write about what he saw.  And there is much for us to learn about what God chose to tell him.

This week’s first readings at Mass have progressed through Revelations.  Today, it was Revelations 10.  In it, St. John tells us about an angel who tells him to take the scroll and eat it.  He promises that it would taste “sweet as honey” but warns that it would turn his “stomach sour.”

St. John obeys in his vision and, sure enough, the scroll does taste sweet as honey and does turn his stomach sour.

How much of our present day culture is the same way?  There is much in our culture which feels great when we are experiencing it but leaves a destructive impact in its wake.

Want to have sex with whomever and wherever you want?  Want to look at porn all night?  Want to abuse alcohol and use drugs?  Want to overindulge on fats and sweets?  Want to smoke?  Want to put down the remote when you should be changing the station, or reading something when you should be turning the page, or sticking around on a conversation when you should be walking away?

Want to leave your wife and family because it’s just too tough or too restrictive?  Want to take care of that “little” inconvenience growing in your body?  Want to take care of that “old” inconvenience taking up your guest room?  Want to change the subject when you should be standing up for your faith in conversation with others?  Want to feel like your king of the world by using and dominating others?  Want to buy that new “gotta-have” when you don’t have the money?  Want to work those extra hours even though you should be at home?

There are so many instances in our every day lives when we are tempted to “eat the scroll.”  The scroll consists of all of those things in our lives that may appear pleasurable and harmless, but are in reality destructive to our souls, our relationship with others, and our covenant with God.

Our culture is so toxic and so destructive that we are at a point when we just have to decide to put aside the scroll and embrace the way Christ has set forth for us.  Heck, we’ve veered so far off of the path that most of us don’t even realize the sour feeling in our stomach after eating the scroll, when we give in to our passions and desires.  Our culture is destroying our bodies, our relationships, and our eternal lives; and all we can think about is the fleeting, sweet taste remaining on our tongues and wondering when we will taste such sweetness again.

So what’s the answer?

Today’s Gospel Acclamation proclaims “[t]he sheep hear my voice, says the Lord; I know them and they follow me.”  Today’s Gospel (about Christ clearing the temple) tells us that “all the people were hanging on his words.”

And maybe that’s the answer.  We must hear his voice and follow him.  We must hang on his every word.  If we are listening to him, following him, giving our full attention to him, we will not be tempted by the scroll.  We will let it pass us on by without a moment’s hesitation.  The temptation will come and go.  We will look on the memories of our past lives with regret instead of longing; never to repeat the sins of our past again.

And we will not have to deal with the destruction of so many bad choices.

We’ve been handed the scroll time and again, and we have devoured it.  We must now reject the scroll for something better; for the bread and wine; for the body and blood of Christ.  It is then when we will truly experience the exquisite sweetness that God wants to give us each and every day of our lives.

St. Frances Xavier Cabrini & the Face of Christ

theophilus November 13th, 2008

From the 1890’s until her death in 1917, St. Frances Xavier Cabrini cared for the poor, the orphaned, the widowed in the United States.  She focused mostly on the large immigrant population, having been an immigrant herself to this great land.  She became a U.S. citizen and thus was the first American citizen saint upon her canonization in 1946 by Pope Pius XII.

Today, we commemorate her incredible life and work.  In the opening prayer for today’s Mass, there is a rather poignant plea to God offered through her.

“By her example teach us concern for the stranger, the sick and the frustrated.  By her prayers help us to see Christ in all the men and women we meet.”

Hopefully, the first part of this passage has been well-drilled into our heads; the part about concern for strangers, the sick, the frustrated.  But how about the second part of the passage?  The part about seeing Christ in all of the people we meet?

Do we see Christ in the others with whom we come into contact with throughout the course of our day?  St. Frances saw Christ in everyone she met.  She, like Blessed Mother Theresa, instinctively knew that she was gazing into the eyes of Christ no matter how lowly the person she was helping.  What an incredible way to go through life.

Another related but equally important question is – do others see Christ in us?  Christ works through us to do his work.  Our thoughts, words, actions, works, expressions, tone of voice, appearance; all combine to either show the face of Christ to others or to throw up a barrier that shuts Christ off from using us to fulfill his mission.  St. Frances understood her responsibility to serve as the face of Christ to others.  She understood that her mission was to help Christ in his mission and she couldn’t accomplish her mission unless others saw Christ in her.

St. Frances’ success could most likely be traced to her ability to make a connection between Christ and the people to whom she ministered; to see Christ in others and have others see Christ in her.

We live in an age when people are demeaned, exploited, destroyed, humiliated, and disparaged on a routine basis.  Some for fun, some for entertainment, some for profit and gain, some for power or convenience.  Too many people are shamefully brought low by others who neglect to see Christ in that person and have failed to acknowledge their joint status as children of God.

Whether in our personal lives, politics, sports, business, entertainment, or just plain gossip and discourse, we must never forget that Christ is in each of us, whether we want to acknowledge such or not.  Everyone we meet, everyone we read about, everyone we watch on T.V. or in the movies or see in magazines or online; everyone is a child of God, and should be treated as such.

St. Frances profoundly understood the universal nature of the Holy Face of Jesus; that Jesus shows his face through each of us.  We need to understand as well.

Our Responsibility to Our Daughters

theophilus September 19th, 2008

I ended up lecturing my best friend today.  I didn’t mean to; it just came out that way.

The topic was daughters.

Mine is in first grade and growing up way too fast.  His is about to be born (his first child).

Somehow we had been on the subject of getting teenagers to wait to have sex.  He started talking about “THE TALK” he plans to have with his in utero little girl, twelve or thirteen or fourteen years from now. 

It was at this point that I jumped in.

I told him that his “talk” began as soon as his baby girl leaves the security of his wife’s womb.  His “talk” begins in how he treats his daughter; what kind of bond he builds with her; how he treats his wife; what kind of role model he exhibits.

I am fully aware that my little girl will base every relationship she has with other men/boys on her relationship with me and my relationship with her mother.  I am her role model on how a man treats a woman.

I want to get to a point with her where her self-esteem is sky-high when she is around other boys/men; that she knows enough to respect herself as a daughter of God and her body as a divine gift; that she is mindful enough to respect other boys/men as sons of God, even when they do not share the same respect for themselves; that she knows and has had fully demonstrated to her each and every day that the only true, mature, intimate, divine relationship between a man and a woman takes place within a marriage covenant blessed and called by God.

I have to answer to God at some point in time for my daughter.  If she turns out to be anything less than what God intends, I’m going to have some explaning to do.

I’ve given a lot of thought to my responsibility to my daughter.  I guess I wanted to let my friend in on what he is getting himself into.  He’s a good man; I know he’s going to do a good job.  But a good job isn’t good enough in today’s world.  It takes an effort worthy of the saints.  We are all up to it; but we have to want to do it, each and every day.

Saving a Child

theophilus July 26th, 2008

I usually leave the political talk to other blogs, but I heard about this story and it struck a chord in me. 

As many of you know, I was placed for adoption when I was born.  I had serious birth defects that I still live with to this day, including a cleft lip.  I went through several foster homes and orphanages before finally being blessed with a family.  I subsequently went through the many surgeries I needed to repair my face.  And because of the heroism of my Mom & Dad, I received the love, care and guidance I needed to succeed in all facets of my life.  My Mom & Dad saved my life.

So, when I finished reading the story about Senator John McCain’s daughter, Bridget, and how he and his wife not only saved this child but also saved another child, I couldn’t help but recognize two absolutely remarkable souls.  I recognized these souls because they exemplify a soul seen time and again, even if our culture doesn’t celebrate these heroes.  I recognized this soul because I have been the beneficiary of this soul since I was adopted. 

Again, I’ll leave the political blogging to others, but this story is one that needs to be told again and again.  It is just a damning indictment on our society that this story hasn’t been broadcasted from coast to coast in front-page new-stories, made-for-TV movies, and bestselling books.   This story has the potential to lift each of us up and require of us heroic action of our own; no matter our political leanings, no matter our background, no matter our current life-situation.

Regardless of your political leanings, you cannot dismiss the heroism of this story, and what it tells us about this man who wants to lead us.

h/t: The Anchoress and many others.

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